Introduction to Cheek Kissing (La Bise) in France:
La bise, or cheek kissing, is a common form of greeting in France and many other French-speaking countries. This traditional custom involves lightly pressing your cheeks against someone else’s and making a kissing sound near their ear. So to be clear: You are not actually kissing someone, but more or less kissing the air while your cheeks are close to each other or touching. While it’s a familiar and friendly gesture, there are regional differences and cultural nuances that vary across France.
First lesson: You are not really kissing someone, but kissing the air while you are cheek to cheek. The more intimate, the closer the mouth to the skin.
Kissing men or women?
Both men and women commonly participate in la bise. It’s a gender-neutral custom, and it’s generally acceptable for people of any gender to exchange cheek kisses. But usually, men only kiss women, while women kiss both men and women. But, when men meet good friends or close family also men kiss other men.
Second lesson: Usually, men only kiss women, while women kiss both men and women
How to do it
As noted above, you often do not really land your lips on someone’s skin. You kiss the air. But there’s more to it. To start the whole ritual, you begin on the right cheek. This is one of the most important rules. When the two parties don’t start on the same cheek, they will end up giving a real kiss, which is one of the most embarrassing things that will happen to you.
Furthermore, take your time. Don’t try to be quick. Go for the ‘kiss’ and then slowly move back in a controlled manner for the other cheek. Greetings can take up a bunch of time in France, especially between friends, so don’t feel embarrassed to take it slow.
Third lesson: Begin on the right cheek. It both parties are not in line on which cheek to start with, chaos ensues.
French Regional Differences in cheek kissing
The number of kisses exchanged can vary by region and per person. In some areas, like Paris, two kisses (one on each cheek) is typical, while in other regions, it might be more customary to exchange three or even four kisses. According to website http://combiendebises.free.fr/ where French vote on home many kisses are appropriate per region, most regions do two kisses. The following departements have other customs
| Kisses: | Region: |
| 1 Kiss | Finistère (Bretagne) |
| 2 Kisses | Typical for most regions |
| 3 Kisses | Cantal, Haute-Loire, Ardèche, Drôme, Hautes-Alpes, Aveyron, Lozère, Gard, Vaucluse, Hérault |
| 4 kisses | Orne, Haute-Marne, Aube, Yonne |
Note, that in especially the west and north of France a pretty large minority of French give 4 kisses. But when in doubt, just give two.
How to kiss cheeks as a foreigner
For foreigners, navigating la bise can be initially challenging, but it’s essential to adapt to local customs. Here are some tips:
Observe and Follow: Pay attention to how locals greet each other and follow their lead. If unsure, you can start with a simple “Bonjour” and wait to see if the other person initiates la bise.
Initiate Appropriately: In social situations, if you feel comfortable, you can initiate la bise by gently leaning in for the cheek kisses. However, in more formal or professional settings, a handshake is usually the safer choice.
Confidence and Relaxation: Approach the greeting with confidence, but also with a relaxed attitude. Most locals understand that cultural customs vary, and they are likely to be forgiving of any unintentional breaches of etiquette.
Fourth lesson: Want to do it yourself? Follow how the locals do and otherwise, just ask.